Day 2 (Hey better late than never right?)

Day 2; List Your Kinks

Here they are straight from Fet

Fetishes

Into: “good morning beautiful” texts, “skirts with no panties”, being owned and collared and loving it, being respected yet still being owned, being secure you’re owned and (always) loved, caressing, cock worship, cuddles, cyber sex, erotic literature, foot massage, genuine and deep submission, the heartfelt kind that comes from trust, respect, lust, and mental and emotional connection, hearing “i love you” and knowing it to be true, hearing him whisper “good girl”, hearing him whisper “i love you”, intelligence, light bondage, lingerie, massages, military, multiple orgasms, oral sex, pussy worship (receiving), role play, sensual domination, sensual play, staypuff marshmallow man jizz (everything to do with it), submission, voyeurism, whispering softly in a low, menacing voice this close to your ear and making you so hot you can’t stand it any longer.

Curious about: anal sex, behavior modification, being fucked with a hand on my throat and threats being whispered into my ear, ben wa balls, blindfolds, bondage, chafing caramel robot sex, double penetration, erotic photography, exhibitionism, handcuffs, kidnapping roleplay, mistresses with strap-ons, power exchange, rough sex, sex in public, spanking, strap-ons, threesomes, toys.

Day 1 of 30

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What Parts of BDSM Interest You? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self.

I have always considered myself a strong independent woman. I have always been in charge. I never saw myself as submissive. But in exploring this world I have found out that I enjoy giving up control sometimes.  I enjoy having the deep trust and commitment that comes with submitting to someone I know cares for me and has my best interests in mind. Someone whom I can trust to explore new things with. Someone who can push me just enough but not too far. I have learned being a submissive does not make me less of a woman or less capable of running my family or a sucessful business. It strengthens me by allowing me the balance and rejuvination I need to be a well rounded woman, mother, lover, wife.

30 days

I saw this online so I decided what the heck, I have nothing better to do right? So I will start this week and go for 30 days. Lets see how this goes…

The 30 Days of Kink Day

1: Dom, sub, switch? What Parts of BDSM Interest You? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self.

Day 2; List Your Kinks

Day 3: How Did You Discover You Were Kinky?

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Day 7: What’s your favourite toy?

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Duties of a Dominant

Written by: LES IS MORE(m) Copyright©1998

Being Dominant/submissive is a state of mind. It is not a sex act, it is not a game, and it is not a role. It is a state of being and is totally asexual (neither male nor female)
First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady.
There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others. Save this for the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant.

Second, a Dominant must always be in control.
Drugs, even alcohol, are mind and body controlling agents. They affect relationships and most importantly can affect a scene, therefore taking away the control the Dominant MUST have.

Third, a Dominant is always honest.
To lie is to show you cannot be trusted and a submissive must be able to trust you to respect you. Every submissive knows that not every Dominant is super experienced and will respect you much more if you tell the truth. Be honest with a submissive about your level of experience with others and the submissive. The submissive can even help you to gain experience and is really an enjoyable learning process. Tell the submissive up-front if You do not wish a monogamous relationship. Most submissives understand and even expect this in a Dominant. You may not get “that” submissive but you will not loose her/his respect.

Fourth, a Dominant accepts responsibility for all his/her actions.
Everyone makes mistakes. Do what is needed to make amends, and correct it. Accept and admit the fact that you messed up. To seek an excuse for something going wrong or hurting someone will cause you to lose respect.

Fifth, a Dominant expects but does not demand respect.
No Dominant demands strangers to call him/her Master/Mistress. Respect is earned over time. Demanding Master/Mistress on your name means nothing and is a word that when not earned is meaningless and makes you to others appear to be a petty childish fool. Those that know you and respect you will call you Master or Mistress when you earn it, not before. Remember, to other Dominants you are not Their Master/Mistress you are their equal do not DEMAND them too ever call You that.

Sixth, a Dominant knows and understands the differences between needs, desires and wants.
The submissive may want a 24/7 relationship with an understanding Dominant. The submissive may desire a short relationship with a crude rude person. The submissive may need a stable sharing marriage with children.

Duties of a DOM

It is the duty of a Dominant to control his/her emotions. To punish a submissive in anger or to lash out to anyone is abusive.

It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift. To misuse this gift is abusive. When the submissive is not free to take back the gift it is no longer a gift.

It is the duty of a Dominant to watch over and protect all submissives. This does not mean to protect them from finding some other Dominant and to keep them for oneself.

It is the duty of a Dominant to take only a submissive that will match him/her.
A submissive that is not into whips should not belong to a Dominant that loves to whip submissives.

It is the Duty of a Dominant to take only the amount of submissives the DOM can properly handle, control, love, comfort and care for. Do not keep a submissive hanging, giving false hopes. Free and release the submissive so the submissive can get along with finding the right Dominant.

It is the duty of a Dominant to watch and monitor the scene carefully and to ensure the submissive is not being harmed either physically or emotionally. At any time the slightest thing can go wrong and the scene is ruined for the submissive and pleasure becomes actual pain.

It is the duty of a Dominant after a scene to ensure the submissive is emotionally stable. During a scene the submissive is filled with hormones. Afterwards the body reduces them and may cause severe depression to the extent of being suicidal. The submissive must be made to understand the depression and or emotional release is normal and expected. Normal emotions will return in hours to a day. Anything longer is a sign of emotional instability in the submissive and must be corrected before doing another scene. (A Dominant can also experience this depression after a high from the scene.) Each reacts differently some stay high for weeks and when they come down seek the scene again to regain the high. This also can lead to problems such as longer, more intense and dangerous scenes, with unknown Dominants.

It is the duty of a Dominant to know and understand what the needs, desires and wants of a submissive are. Failure to do so may harm the submissive emotionally and mentally.

Responsibilities of a DOM

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure an unowned submissive is guided to a Dominant that is suited to the submissive’s wants, needs and desires.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive knows what being abusive is. To insure this is to insure the submissive knows when to call it quits.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to ensure the submissive knows what the submissive’s rights are.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to teach the submissive information about the Lifestyle. The best method is to teach the submissive how to acquire this information and where he/she can get it. An ignorant submissive can be an embarrassment to a Dominant.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive grows and develops under the Dominant’s ownership, in both the lifestyle and the public life (i.e., job and family). Being submissive only means being a “doormat” when the submissive has made it clear that is what the submissive is looking for.

Dishonorable Acts

For a Dominant to allow a submissive to be actually harmed in ANY way is dishonorable.

For a Dominant to allow a submissive’s rights to be violated is dishonorable.

For a Dominant to play with and discard a submissive just for amusement is dishonorable (exception is a submissive that has declared this is the treatment they need).

Unless the submissive has declared them selves to be unowned, another Dominant’s interference in a relationship is dishonorable.
To chase after or scene with Another’s submissive without the other Dominant’s permission and full knowledge is dishonorable.
No Dominant can be expected to live up to the above 100% of the time, others will respect him/her for trying and the harder she/he tries the more respect all will have for the Dominant and his/hers.

Topping (from Seekers)

What is bottom topping, you may ask yourself. Well, that is when a submissive tries to control a scene or situation, manipulating the dominant to their desire, rather than what the dominant wants from the scene or situation. Topping from the bottom is considered inappropriate behavior in most D/s circles. It can have many connotations, some of which make the dominant seem to be the less dominant person in the relationship. It also can be looked upon as the submissive trying to get the attention of their dominant because the submissive feels that they aren’t getting enough.
Why is bottom topping such a big issue? When a dominant is no longer in control of the situation, their role is diminished. They are nothing more than a participant in the situation or scene. They lose their credibility as a dominant, because as the dominant, they should be in control. They should have the commanding presence to be able to keep the submissive from flipping them. This is an issue if the scene is in a public setting, as it will cause the dominant to lose a lot of hard earned respect.

Why does a submissive bottom top? This is the question that there are many conflicting answers to. Some suggest that it is simply to get attention from the dominant. Some say that it is to act out against the dominant because they don’t want the control. Some times the submissive is naturally more dominant than their dominant, so it comes natural for them to bottom top. And still, there are also cases of the submissive being trained by the dominant to bottom top. Each person is different, so it can’t really be said that there is one reason that a submissive bottom tops without truly knowing them.

Why would a submissive choose this method to get attention from the dominant? In some cases, a submissive feels that this is their only option for seeking attention. While others feel that the dominant deserves this treatment and are often considered brats. Is this bratty behavior? In most cases, it is not. It is insubordination, it is disrespectful and it is something that should not be tolerated at all. A truly bratty submissive does not bottom top, they are respectful to their dominant and do not do things that will dishonor them.

How can a submissive be more dominant? This isn’t all that uncommon, especially among those just finding their way in the lifestyle. Some think that they want to be the one in control. They think that if they aren’t, they will be destroyed. They think that being the dominant is the only way to go. While some feel that they have to identify as submissive, no matter how dominant they feel they are. In a lot of senses, it’s a gender based action to those who are new to the lifestyle until they learn who they are. Then there are the cases of those who are switches. A switch is someone who is both a dominant and a submissive. They can be in either role and be comfortable. The role they choose depends on who they are with and how they are feeling at the time.
Why would anyone intentionally train a submissive to bottom top? In some cases, the dominant is not truly a dominant, but they wish to be associated as one, so they will train their submissive to be the top. They want the submissive to control the scene in order to achieve their pleasure. A submissive’s purpose is to give pleasure to their dominant and serve in whatever way they see fit to guide the submissive. Training a submissive to bottom top is not the proper course of action for the dominant. If they do not wish to be the dominant, they need to reconsider their position and find a dominant to top them rather than improperly training a submissive.
How do you stop bottom topping? That is the age old question. One would think that if the submissive feels secure in the relationship with the dominant, they wouldn’t feel the need to bottom top. But that’s not always the case. A submissive, no matter how secure they are, can use bottom topping to test their boundaries with their dominant. This is when the dominant needs to put his or her foot down and draw concrete boundaries for the submissive. It’s not always an easy task to break someone of bottom topping, but it can be done. Just go into it with your eyes open and aware of the situation at hand before you try.

100 things about me

1. #100FactsAboutMe I have many “Roles”

2. #100FactsAboutMe I am a Wife

3. #100FactsAboutMe I am a Mother

4. #100FactsAboutMe I am a Sister

5. #100FactsAboutMe I am a Daughter

6. #100FactsAboutMe I am a sub to My Master

7. #100FactsAboutMe I am a “normal” member of my community

8. #100FactsAboutMe I have served my country

9. #100FactsAboutMe I own a home

10. #100FactsAboutMe I love my Computer

11. #100FactsAboutMe I am a people pleaser

12. #100FactsAboutMe I enjoy serving my Master

13. #100FactsAboutMe I am a strong independent woman

14. #100FactsAboutMe I am in control of most aspects of my life

15. #100FactsAboutMe those which I don’t control I willingly relinquish control of

16. #100FactsAboutMe I trust my Master completely

17. #100FactsAboutMe many of my friends do not know I am a submissive

18. #100FactsAboutMe most people in my vanilla have no idea I serve a Master

19. #100FactsAboutMe I am 5’3

20. #100FactsAboutMe I wear my Master’s collar around my neck 24/7

21.#100FactsAboutMe My master is not my Vanilla Husband

22. #100FactsAboutMe I like pink

23. #100FactsAboutMe I love music

24. #100FactsAboutMe My song for Master is Guardian Angel 

25. #100FactsAboutMe Our song is Marry me

26. #100FactsAboutMe I see Master daily

27. #100FactsAboutMe One day Master and I will get married in the Vanilla

28. #100FactsAboutMe I weigh under 120 lbs

29. #100FactsAboutMe I’m not much of a tv watcher

30. #100FactsAboutMe I am very creative

31. #100FactsAboutMe I like TrueBlood on HBO

32. #100FactsAboutMe I missed Season 3 of True Blood

33. #100FactsAboutMe I love making things with my hands

34. #100FactsAboutMe I like Dexter on SHO

35. #100FactsAboutMe I can sew

36. #100FactsAboutMe I LOVE trucks

37. #100FactsAboutMe I love Sushi

38. #100FactsAboutMe I’m not a big drinker

39. #100FactsAboutMe I’m a red head

40. #100FactsAboutMe I LOVE Big Love on HBO

41. #100FactsAboutMe I am a kitten

42. #100FactsAboutMe I am curious about things I have no knowledge about

43. #100FactsAboutMe I tend to get obsessive over things I like

44. #100FactsAboutMe I love to shop

45. #100FactsAboutMe I subscribe to netflix

46. #100FactsAboutMe I have brown eyes

47. #100FactsAboutMe I am a good businesswoman

48. #100FactsAboutMe I have driven across the US

49. #100FactsAboutMe I have never been out of the country except to Mexico

50. #100FactsAboutMe I like Coke

51. #100FactsAboutMe I clip coupons

52. #100FactsAboutMe I like to write

53. #100FactsAboutMe I served in Desert Shield/Desert Storm

54. #100FactsAboutMe I don’t like scary movies

55. #100FactsAboutMe I like Erotic photos NOT porn

56. #100FactsAboutMe I love full body massages

57. #100FactsAboutMe I get my nails done weekly

58. #100FactsAboutMe I like rollar coasters

59. #100FactsAboutMe I am High Maintenance

60. #100FactsAboutMe I like expensive things

61. #100FactsAboutMe I own several Cars

62. #100FactsAboutMe I RP on Twitter

63. #100FactsAboutMe My father died when I was 4

64. #100FactsAboutMe I have many brothers and sisters

65. #100FactsAboutMe I dont care for chocolate

66. #100FactsAboutMe I like cherry and lemon candy

67. #100FactsAboutMe I like McDonalds

68. #100FactsAboutMe I met my best friend online

69. #100FactsAboutMe I met my Master online

70. #100FactsAboutMe I work from home

71. #100FactsAboutMe I cannot live without my Android

72. #100FactsAboutMe I have a sister wife

73. #100FactsAboutMe I am Polyamoury http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

74. #100FactsAboutMe I am NOT mormon

75. #100FactsAboutMe I get what I want most times

76. #100FactsAboutMe I own 3 cars

77. #100FactsAboutMe I have 3 pairs of shoes I wear all the time

78. #100FactsAboutMe Before Master I did not wear skirts

79. #100FactsAboutMe I wear thongs or sans panties

80. #100FactsAboutMe I have a temper

81. #100FactsAboutMe I sometimes push Master to test my limits

82. #100FactsAboutMe My best male friend is also a Dom and is Bi

83. #100FactsAboutMe I don’t care for coffee

84. #100FactsAboutMe I Love candy

85. #100FactsAboutMe I hate cleaning

86. #100FactsAboutMe Before Master I did NOT suck cock

87. #100FactsAboutMe I have a UK email address but I live in the states

88. #100FactsAboutMe I live less than a mile from Master

89. #100FactsAboutMe My sister wife raises my kids like they are hers

90. #100FactsAboutMe I have teenage kids 

91. #100FactsAboutMe I was born and raised in California

92. #100FactsAboutMe I am going back to college

93. #100FactsAboutMe I want to become a paralegal

94. #100FactsAboutMe I love photography

95. #100FactsAboutMe I am very high tech

96. #100FactsAboutMe I get along with almost anybody

97. #100FactsAboutMe If I want something I work for it

98. #100FactsAboutMe I own a motorcycle

99. #100FactsAboutMe The last movie I saw in theaters was Red Riding Hood

100. #100FactsAboutMe My Master’s word is my law

BDSM for Starters

Fundamentals of BDSM

OK, so something deep inside you is gnawing away, that gut instinct that you are trying to compress, telling you that you want to submit or you want to Dominate another person for sexual pleasure or physical / emotional gratification, yet, you’ve seen the images on the internet and you’ve read the horror stories related to BDSM and are probably thinking you are a bit of freak – right? Oh so wrong.

Are you normal?
In truth, these days i don’t believe in the word ‘normal’ to me ‘normal’ has no definition.

Is it natural?
yes, completely. Just because society is telling you it isn’t natural, does not mean it is not natural to you. We are all individuals, we all have individual thoughts, fantasies, sexual urges, feelings and definitions of love. People who live in the D/s lifestyle or who have an active interest in BDSM are not freaks; we work, we play, we have families, we wear normal clothes and we interact, love and respect the people in our lives who do not understand why or how we could feel this way. We call them ‘vanilla’. Nearly all of us in some form or another, have to live our D/s and vanilla lives separately because that is what society can accept and we play along quite happily, but what is never natural is to think of ourselves as freaks and deny who we really are. All you have to do is look at the enormity of the BDSM community, the number of fetish clubs, play parties, forums and online chat rooms to realise that you are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands of people who feel exactly the same as you do.  

Understanding BDSM
Understanding BDSM, D/s, M/s or ‘the Lifestyle’ can be so very confusing for a newbie whos interest is peaked enough to now want to explore. You need to satisfy that thirst for knowledge and to prove to yourself that the urges you are feeling and have likely felt for the majority of your adult life (subconciously or not) are natural and not some bi-product of insanity. So, where to start? Oh my god, there is just so much to discuss that there is no way we would get it all covered here, but we will try to help and here is a good of a place to start as any. Please note that this is advice and guidance only, we are not experts and BDSM is all a matter of personal taste, so we won’t get all your questions answered, but we can have a damn good go.

BDSM is an acronym that stands for;
Bondage & Discipline
Dominance & Submission
Sadism and Masochism 

BDSM comes in many, many forms, and there are as many different disciplines, thoughts and practices as there are those that have these desires. BDSM can be as simple or as imaginative as a consenting individual or couple wants to make it, from an erotic spanking or tying your partner to the bedposts, giving or accepting verbal commands, through to a complex and intense full on scene.

SSC
Any scene or long term D/s, M/s relationship should always abide by the code of SSC – SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL;

Safe - means that even when we play hard, we play safe and never cause any true harm to our partner(s) either physically, emotionally or psychologically. There is a huge difference between the giving and recieving of pain in any degree (mild or severe) for sexual gratification and actually causing real harm that is beyond the realms of limits and pre-negotation. BDSM play should always be as safe as possible although nothing is ever really 100% safe or risk free. Communication, safe words and preparation are vital, as is ensuring the aftercare for both submissive and Dominant.  

Sane - means we don’t play when intoxicated (pissed or stoned), angry, or in a mind set where we cannot determine boundries and evaluate the risk. Limits are discussed and although they may be pushed, hard limits are never overstepped (this doesn’t mean that limits can’t change within the evolution of a relationship). In short, we look out for each other. It is a Dom/mes responsibility to ensure the mental and physical welfare of Thier submissive at all times during a scene (and out of it) and a submissives’ responsibility to constantly and honestly communicate with their Dom/me (as much as us subs may think so sometimes, Dom/mes are not mind readers).  You have to differentiate between what is possible and what really should stay within the realms of fantasy.

Consensual - this is what makes those who practice SSC, different from abusers. It means that both submissive and Dom/me have communicated prior to a scene and have given T/thier consent to each other (either directly before, or within the known boundries of a longer term relationship). Yes, BDSM is consensual and should never ever be forced - otherwise it is just called abuse and there is no place for abuse within this Lifestyle. Every participant has the right to stop a scene at any time by using safe words (which should have been previously established) or other pre-designated methods. If consent is withdrawn, it should be honoured immediately.

The point is, no matter how far off this planet this Lifestyle may seem to the vanilla world, exploring D/s and BDSM can and should be done safely, honourably and sensibly. Trust, communication and respect are common words that are often thrown about in many of today’s societies but in the BDSM community they are words to live by, like a religion, they are gospel.

So, where to start
Maybe you have just woken up to these desires or maybe you already have a partner that you would like to experiment with. First and foremost – go slow! Many newbies often get an element of ‘D/s fever’ (thankyou Sir Arjun for that nugget of terminology) and are over taken with impatience, you know this world and these opportunities exist and you want to try it all now!

There are so many questions to ask yourself;
Do you just want a play partner or are you seeking a longer term relationship?
Do you know what your own limits are?
Are the rules the same as the rules of vanilla ‘dating’?
How open are you to your own sexuality?
Do you want a one-on-one relationship or are you willing to play with multiple partners at the same time? 
Do you want to explore bi-sexuality or transgender play?
Do you want to explore both your Dominant and submissive side or are you clear that you are either one or the other?
Do you even want to experience BDSM on a physical level or are you more drawn towards the psychological?

The first thing is to do a little soul searching, be totally honest with yourself; if you can’t do that, you will never be totally honest with anyone else and that can be damaging and dangerous. Make a list of your desires, the things that you have always wanted to try but until now you haven’t really allowed yourself to think about. Then, make a second list of your limits; firstly your hard limits, namely those things that you just will not move on and no-body can ever make you budge and secondly your soft limits, those things that you do not like the thought of at all, but with the right partner you would be willing to have those limits pushed, perhaps even removed. Don’t forget that these lists are going to change, whatever you feel right now, i canalmost guarantee is not how you will feel with a little more experience, but for now, this will form the fundamentals of Y/you as a Dominant or as a submissive  (from BDSM for Dummies)